You know how sometimes you just have really really bad days..? Like the ones where you just want to go back to bed and pull the covers over your head and pretend nothing ever happened? I had one of those days today. Work wasn’t bad, I can’t complain about that. My 9am to 3pm went quickly and was easy. I rushed home when my husband called to tell me that one of our cats somehow had gotten into the lizard the tank while he was at occupational therapy. I only work about 5 minutes from home so as I rushed home I had no idea what I was coming home to. Was this going to be nothing? Easy solution? Or should I prepare for the worse? As I prepped myself for walking through the doors and talked to my husband trying to calm him from the chaos. I walked through the doors and the state of disaster that I saw his tank in was horrible. He was scared and not good looking. I knew his back was broken. I tried to be okay, to be strong for my husband and for this little creature I love so dearly but I broke down. At 4pm today we lost a member of our family. It may be a family full of fur-babies and scaly babies too but it’s my family and I love them all so dearly. They’re my babies and they’re wonderful. So when I called the vet to schedule his euthanasia I was heart broken and not ready for this. He was too young to have his life ended. I know we gave him the best life possible but I still feel like a horrible parent. It’s heart breaking to loose a member of the family and it’s so hard to decide to be the person to end their life. There was an extremely small chance he could have healed and lived a decent no painful life. I couldn’t be the parent to force him to live, to tell him that he could have pain regiments for the rest of his life and never know if it was enough that he wasn’t actually in pain. He couldn’t tell me today if he was in pain. He just laid with me until his last breath. To top off the day, my husband had an appointment with the GI doctor today, finally, after waiting 6 weeks to get in to be seen. I was unable to go with him, just as he was unable to go with me to the vet, our appointments now collided. We were both alone… We were told 6 weeks ago that he had gull stones and that was why he was in pain and was being referred. Now we’re being told that the ultrasound may have been read wrong and is scheduled tomorrow for a procedure. They’re doing an endoscopy tomorrow morning and once again I’m here to be strong. To be the wife who stands tall and tells my husband that there is nothing to worry about. Six months ago he was diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondylosis, after he was in so much pain he couldn’t take it anymore and was finally sent to a specialist. X-rays, MRI’s and lots of pain medications we are here. Again me holding his hand and telling him they will have answers and we will be okay. He will be okay and there is nothing to worry about. I wish that will all his struggles and all his pain that we also didn’t have to try so hard to have a family. I wish that we could not struggle to grow together and start a family. Sometimes we have good days, sometimes we have bad days, sometimes they’re great days and occasionally they are the worst days ever. I didn’t have that great of a day today but I am confident tomorrow will be better. I will take care of my husband as he takes care of me. I will be there for him and they will tell us better news in three weeks when we return to the doctors. I’m not saying I’m not scared or that I’m not worried that the worst is yet to come. I’m just being a strong wife…As for the lizard, I balled my eyes for hours today and buried him with a mini funeral with all my other animals growing up at my parents in the back yard grave yard. I’m not ready for another one yet. Probably one day soon. He will be remembered forever in our hearts, until we meet again on the other side of the rainbow bridge. Send love and prayers for us as we mourn and tackle this procedure tomorrow and maybe in all this we will get good news with a positive test in 6 short (ha) days. Until then, I’ll be here. ❤

rainbow bridge

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6 thoughts on “Today was not a good day…

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