Today is Easter, (Happy Easter fellow bloggers! <3) so as I wait for my husband to come home from work so we can go to my parents for Easter Sunday dinner, I sit here and contemplate. I think about if this cycle is going to be different or exactly the same as every cycle before. Tomorrow starts my week of fertility. Tomorrow also starts the week of my new job as I’m in the process of ending my current job. So that means, a week of hell while I work two jobs, back to back and still find time to be with my husband let alone have time to have sex with him! So here we are. Best part about my new job is how much more relaxing it is. I feel like part of our problem is that fact that with how stressful work has been for me, it’s probably not helping us to conceive. So the new job will have me in a pretty stress free environment. I just have to make it through this week.
Yesterday I went and visited one of my best friends who I have not been a good friend to the past few months. She is just ending her first trimester and I have been intentionally avoiding her because I’m jealous of what she has. I want to be in my first trimester. I’ve been feeling so bad about not being a good friend when I know I should be and maybe it was God or maybe it was just Timehop, haha. I got a Timehop picture on my phone of us having a great time last year. So I texted her the picture and then my husband and I made plans and went over there. It was so much fun. We didn’t talk a lot about the pregnancy but I did feel her belly. I am deeply happy for them, I’m not also not happy. I’m not happy because of their happiness, I’m just not happy because of my own unsuccessful attempts. I know she understands that, it just still makes me feel like a bad friend.
My husband applied for a new job Friday. I really hope he hears back. It’s long stretch but we decided what the hell. It’s better pay and it’s basically the same insurance but cheaper and he has room to really grow and advance! So fingers crossed on that! Hoping to hear something next week! Hoping hoping hoping!!!!