Over the past week I have been suffering from bronchitis. The coughing and coughing and coughing is killing me. I think it’s killing my husband too since I so lovingly shared it with him. Ha. So of course since most men are babies I’m taking care of him and me. However, yesterday afternoon I was going to the bathroom and well guess what! It hurt to pee!!! Shocker right??? Well it’s been over 3 years since I’ve had a UTI but of course I get one while I’m suffering with bronchitis. Then just to top it off…I got a visit from Aunt Flow this morning!!! When it rains it pours, let me tell you. My chest hurts and my mommy parts are bleeding and painful in several ways (Sorry for TMI) but jeezzzzz. Can a girl catch a break on this one?
Well, AF means another new cycle. I keep hoping and wishing and praying that I can be a mother. I have not been completely honest on here. When I was 17 my husband and I got pregnant. Of course we were not married at the time. (Ha) At 17 I wasn’t exactly ready for a baby but I had graduated and was going to take on the world as best as I could. Problem was the baby didn’t feel the same…or at least I think that’s what happened. I had a D&C at 11 weeks due to the baby’s heartbeat not being present. Even though I was 11 weeks along, the baby had stopped growing at 8ish weeks. We don’t know why, we will never know why. They ran tests and nothing came back alarming to let us know what happened. My body apparently didn’t even know what had happened because my body didn’t naturally miscarry, so I had the surgery. 😦 Again…I was 17 and heart broken and simply terrified of the surgery but I also knew that I had the best man in my life to go through all of that with.
Unfortunately, that’s not the only time in my life I’ve been pregnant. When I was 15 I was in an abusive relationship. That relationship happened to me in a very vulnerable time in my life and I didn’t think I could get out. I lost all of my friends and I felt completely and utterly alone in the world. The physical abuse became sexual abuse and before I knew it I was pregnant and wouldn’t you know it? It was all my fault. When I came clean to my mom I was taken to the clinic and I got an abortion. My mom told me I had to and I didn’t really have a voice for myself anymore. Even though I know now that was probably to best decision, that baby wouldn’t have had a good life with me. It makes me wonder if that’s what has caused us so much trouble in conceiving now.
My life has been crazy up until I met my husband. He really was my knight in shinning armor. He saved me in some of the darkest of times and I’m so happy that he is going through life with me. I just wish that I could return the favor with a child. Thanks for listening (or reading). Until next time…