I have 6 more days and I swear I’m not going to make it. So much hype and build up has been put into this one, the second one. When we were talking to the doctor before we even proceeded with doing any of this he said not to be too discourage if the first one isn’t successful, he said it’s the second one that works a lot of charm! And then there are the success stories from you lovely ladies (Congrats!!!) and naturally the internet….why oh why do I look for things on the internet? Nothing good ever comes from those Google searches…………So here I am, waiting…as patiently as I can. I’ve been trying to keep busy as much as possible, thankfully with the holiday the first week was a breeze, but now that all the fun and family and festivities are over I have nothing to busy myself with other than work. The only possible symptom I MIGHT have is the sensitivity to smell, I was in the grocery store earlier and near the candle isle, which I will admit I typically love, and today I loathed it. Could be the overwhelming holiday smells or maybe a baby! Who knows but see this is what us ttc ladies do to ourselves. It’s sad really. Is this a symptom? What about the fact that I have to pee? Or oooooooo I’m hungry and I just ate breakfast 6 hours ago….probably pregnancy. Yeah….I get it but I still hate it. The emotions from the medication don’t help the whole situation either. The strength in pray has been with me though. Last month I knew I was pregnant, hopeful but I just knew in my gut it wasn’t this time. I spent a lot of time praying to God that he protect my heart from the heart break of bad news. He came through! I only spent about 10 maybe 15 minutes of bawling my eyes out and then I was okay. I know that I don’t get to control the timing of when He says but I do get to control my faith in God and so far that’s about all I got. My heart hurts from the let downs and the constant wonder of if I will ever bare my husband a son to carry on the family name. I wonder what I did to deserve this but I always end my day in prayer because even though those thousands of questions haunt me I know that what is God’s will will be. Maybe our timing is wrong or maybe this is just the struggle and we are meant to give a child that isn’t ours a home and a family.
“God I don’t know what your plan is for me but it’s your plan so I just ask that you help me through it.”