I’m getting close to the in-between time of the month. You know, the time where normal people ovulate and have babies? Yeahhhh….well my time is calculated by pain and the reminder that I have a broken body and it won’t make babies. You know the problem with trying to not think about having babies, or take a break as I have put it before? IT DOESN’T WORK!!!! Everywhere you go, everything you do and everyone you see is a constant reminder of your inability to make babies. Not to mention, twice a month I have a painful reminder that my insides are fucking broken…. So here we are, I’m getting ready to ovulate. I know this not because I’m testing but because my broken ass body makes me feel it, before, during and not to mention a little afterwords as well. And then of course in about two weeks I will feel it all over again to remind me that I definitely didn’t conceive this month, and give me a hellish period, and then we will start the process all over again…and again………and yet again……….
The best comfort I get from all of this is ice cream, pain killers, and sweat pants…AKA my sacrifices to my uterus. The two times a cycle that I do whatever the fuck I want and eat whatever the fuck I want and I usually cry like hell. The unfortunate part of all this is I have lost all of my motivation to go the gym, I did lose 20 pounds a few months ago but I’ve gained it all back. I have no motivation because I feel like I’m getting worse. I finally go see the doctor Monday. I’m really hoping that we can get the ball rolling on these injections. I just want to get it started so that I can get some relief. I joined an online FB group for Endo. I reached out and asked some ladies about their personal experiences with Lupron. I really do think it’s the best choice for me at this point. I do so badly hope to have kids one day. So without removing my parts to make that happen, I don’t have a whole lot of other options. It’s sad that we don’t have more options but at this point I will take whatever I can get.
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend with your loves and I will keep you posted on what the doctor says Monday. Wish me luck, as always sending baby dust to you all..