So it’s been about 2 months since I last posted, that’s probably not exactly keeping you all updated on things is it? haha 🙂 What can I say, life gets busy and just keeps moving. Plus with the holidays I swear I had no time to do anything!
So last time I posted I told you that I was 10 days into my shot, I am officially on the 3rd shot. It’s not all bad but it’s not all good either. The best part, TMI, is we have been able to have sex……PAIN FREE!!!! That has improved my relationship with my husband more than anything. I feel closer to him on that intimate level and we haven’t felt that in years….On the darker side of things these side effects suck! If there is one I probably have it..No, seriously, if it’s on that list, I think I have it. I have been having the hot flashes, the night sweats, the mood swings, insomnia, bone and joint pain (which is beyond awful), the dizzy spells, the nausea…..do I go on??? It’s awful. But it will all be worth it in the end and if not at least I can say I tried it…
Now on to foster care….we are working on the nursery. That was a very hard step for me to take. My husband is pretty quiet about his feelings so I’m not sure how he is handling it but I know that it is extremely hard for me to set up a room for a baby that may not get to be mine. It’s hard to put together a crib and changing table for the first time with the doubt and uncertainty on what will happen in the end. The worst part is doing it for the first time, I don’t know that this part would be as hard if it was hand me downs from my previous child or children…but none the less we keep moving forward. We officially announced our plans for foster care in december and let the families know that we plan to use this as are way of becoming a family. We plan to adopt as soon as we can and make our family whole. The amount of support we have received from family and friends has been more than I had ever dreamed off. I’m so thankful for all the support and love and the feeling of not having to hide behind that question of “So when do you guys plan to have children?”
I’m working on being a bigger advocate for me and people like me and couples like my husband and myself. Yes we are 1 in 8 and yes infertility breaks you down but it shouldn’t go unnoticed just because it’s an invisible disease. We are all suffering in are own way and we shouldn’t feel ashamed or knocked down because of the way we feel. I’m proud of who I am and I’m proud of my struggles because those struggles are what make me who I am.
My sister in law announced that she is pregnant with #2 a couple days ago, I felt sadness in my heart because I want to be able to announce with my husband to his family and my own that same thing. I want to have those 2 pink solid lines, but you know what? I’m happy for her, I’m happy that she doesn’t have to feel the way that I do or that she doesn’t have to go through my daily pain and struggles. I don’t want to live in the sadness and despair of my heart and because of that I allow myself time to be sad but I also don’t let myself linger in that moment.
I love you all ❤