IUI#6 Update

Today was the day, the final day…our final IUI. I’ve been doing very good today. Last night I shed some tears and my hubs being the sweet loving man he is held me the whole time. However, to my surprise today was okay. We got there and dropped the specimen off and then we went and had some lunch. Then around 11:30am we went back for the insemination. Things went well, thankfully the swimmer count was 59 million which was wonderful news since we only had 24 hours of abstaining!!! Plus we had amazing sex Saturday night so hopefully those swimmers will be helping to get the job done too! My nurse made me laugh today, as she was inseminating me she was telling my hubs swimmers, “swim guys, swim!” Even though today was an emotional day for us, our last go at the IUI’s it was over all a really good day. I feel good about everything.

We have a consult appointment set for April 7th, by then we will know for sure what our results are and if that happen to be negative again…hopefully no….God I hope that’s not the case….but if it is we have an appointment set to talk about where to go from here. Talk about our options and what we have to consider.

I really need some good thoughts and prayers and baby dust!!! These next two weeks will determine a huge thing in our lives….Thank you ladies for the past year of support and especially the past 6 months of support through all the IUI’s. Sending baby dust to all you ladies as well! ❤

Super quick update

CD#11 today, began OPK testing yesterday. Got a positive today, unusually ealry for me. I tend to be a CD#13/14 surge so this is early early. Called the nurse this morning to chart it and we go tomorrow for our 6th and final IUI. I’m an emotional reck. Things have been tough on me lately with wondering where to go from here but right now I’m living in the moment and tomorrow is IUI#6 and day by day it will stil be number 6 until I have a reason for it not to be…

Random side note, fingers crossed for hubs to have good numbers. We usually abstain for about 3/4 days before an IUI but due to the unexpected early surge we only have 24 hours on this one. He’s never had low numbers but they typically recommend at least 48 and we have 1/2 that. On a lighter note we had really good sex in the casino hotel we stayed in on Saturday night. So maybe if we get a positive this time it won’t be from the IUI and maybe from our get away casino night sex 😍 One can only hope!

IUI #5 Update

So it’s been awhile, I’ve been busy with life and just really trying to keep myself busy and off the baby topic. It’s been hard the last two weeks, after the negative test and then starting my period I’ve just been having a rough time. The doctor told us a few months back that 6 IUI’s is all we would do, after that statically the odds are not in our favor. Well here we are at number 5.. I know that pregnancy comes when it wants to and I know that we still have the same chance as we did the first time but in my head I feel like the odds are not in our favor because the first 4 didn’t work. My positive thoughts and feelings have decreased and my hope is not as high. I’m trying my best to keep my head up and to remain positive but I’m struggling for sure. I just hope and pray that this all wasn’t for nothing.

Well anyways, the doctor’s appointment I had a few weeks ago went well, no signs of anything bad. I did tell the doctor about the pains I’ve been having so they had me coming in on CD#2 and do an ultrasound. Everything came back perfect so I don’t know why I’m having pains unless my endometriosis is returning already. Hopefully that is not the case. I took the same milligram of Femera as last time, 7.5mg CD#3 through 5. Surge was on CD#13 and we went for our insemination yesterday, AKA CD#14. So now we’re on our two week wait with fingers crossed and as much hope as we can muster.

If we go for a 6th cycle of IUI that will be our very last one. As for what’s next? I honestly don’t know. The doctor did say that we would not be good candidates for IVF, so that’s out of the options now. We will have a lot of talking and thinking to do in the next couple months depending on how life plays out. As always, I’m just wishing for the best. Good luck to all you ladies on your TTC journeys and if anyone else is on their TWW I am sending baby dust your way.

❤

 

IUI#2…CD#14

So yesterday was a happy day, we got our positive surge! Yay!!!! So I called my RE office and scheduled our IUI. This morning we got up bright and early, and when I say bright and early I mean it, 4am that alarm clock went off. UGH! So we drove the 2 hours to my hubby’s appointment. He left his specimen sample and then we had to go back a few hours later. It was a really nice day, we did what we said we were going to and made a wonderful day out of it. We got breakfast together and then we bought tickets to this museum that I’ve been wanting to go to. It was on the side of the state that my RE’s office is so it was convenient. We spent some time at the museum and then went back for insemination. This time it was unfortunately much more painful than last time. Not sure why but today I have been very sore, just in general and then the insemination itself was painful, I’m sure due to the fact that I was already sore to begin with. The nurse wasn’t concerned so neither am I. My hubby’s count was great, 48 million! So hopefully one of those is going to be our baby!!! Of course we have to wait the next two weeks but fingers crossed!!!!!!! After we waited the twenty minutes with the legs in the air we went back to the museum, finished seeing what we hadn’t seen and then went out to dinner with our family back in town. Got to spend some nice time with family and just really enjoy the day. All and all, even though I am completely exhausted, today was wonderful. Please send us prayers and baby dust, we need it! ❤ I’ll keep you all posted as the two weeks come and go and hopefully will have some good news then! 🙂

IUI#2…CD#9

Started OPK testing today, which means I have to hold me pee through the night like normal people do. Not sure if other people have this problem on fertility drugs but the Femara makes me feel bloated and like I have to pee all the time. So naturally at night I usually have to wake up in the middle of the night to pee and I can’t do that for testing week……But if my cycle is normal as usual we should be going for insemination on Thursday, Friday or Saturday. Hubby has to abstain as of Tuesday so that his seed of life is as strong and full of seeds. Poor him. 🙂 The one thing he actually has to do besides deal with me and my crying all the time. Haha. So I will keep you all posted as this week comes with the hope of a baby. Insemination number 2 is days away!!! ❤

IUI#2…CD#6

I cried after sex the other night, I’ve NEVER done that before. That is how bad my emotions are. So yeah, that’s my life right now. I cry over everything and anything. Movies, songs, my hubby doing something nice (like the dishes). The crappy part is I have to go to court for work Tuesday and I tend to cry under pressure or for any reason right now and I have a feeling I may have to channel every part of my inner self to hold it together as best I can. Pray for me!!! Haha.

Well anyways, the whole point of this was to just vent to someone who understands. My sister is preggers, with number 2. As much as I love my niece, she is adorable and so sweet. I can’t help but have a hard time with being happy for my sister for “falling” pregnant when she doesn’t even want to be. Her hubs are in a bad place right now and the last thing she wanted was number 2 but naturally they are making the best of it. I didn’t have to go through this last time because we have been trying for about 2.5 years now and my niece is 6. So of course this wasn’t a problem and I was overly ecstatic for my sister when she was pregnant the first time but this time it’s so different. I’m happy for you but I’m not….So next Sunday, the 22nd, we were invited to a gender reveal party, those are the new thing apparently. I’m terrified to go…..I’m excited for her but I’m not, I’m happy for her but I’m not….with my emotions so crazy and my heart so fragile I don’t know how I’m going to be strong for this one. At the very least I know I will have my husband right there with me to be my rock.

On a happy note, I start OPK tests on Monday! So fingers crossed on a positive soon and then we will make the trip across the state to be inseminated! ❤

IUI#1 CD#22

This has been the longest week of my life and I have another week to go….oh my lord! Patience has NOT been on my side at all this week and I’m sure it won’t be much nicer to me this coming week. But any whoo…….status update time. Had my blood drawn yesterday for whatever reason. Doctor wanted it done precisely one week after the IUI so hopefully those results are what they should be. As for me I’m itching to start testing like yesterday. I will hold off until my period due date because I really hate the torture of testing all the time and getting that negative test over and over again and giving yourself the false hope that maybe it’s still too early and you really are pregnant this time….. Symptoms are few, I have been very tired and fatigued but that could be a side effect from the Femera. I have also been having a lot of indigestion, TMI but I’ve been throwing up in the back of my mouth. Not something I commonly do. So maybe……I started having boob/nipple sensitivity as of yesterday. Lastly, the absolute worst symptom I have is I’m so moody and mostly weepy. I want to cry over EVERYTHING!!!! D: It is the most obnoxious thing in the world. Wish me luck through this next week as we take on the hurdle of our results, whether they are good or bad. Good then we have 12 weeks of holding our breath and bad and we try again…….

IUI#1, CD15

We went and it’s done but now we wait…..the next two weeks are going to be the longest two weeks ever. Things I wish were easier to find online before I did the procedure that I hope will help anyone who is considering doing this. My biggest thing was does it hurt??? Honestly….a little bit but nothing compared to what I had fabricated in my head. You sit in the uncomfortable position that you go in before your annual pap. They open you up just like your pap and then they push a catheter through your cervix. Because you are ovulating your cervix is already dilated so having the catheter put in is just a bit discomforting not painful. It wasn’t so bad, it takes less than five minutes to do the whole thing but then you have to wait laying down for about 20 to 30 minutes afterwards. That’s the long part but really it was quick and easy. Yesterday may become one of the best days of our lives, the only problem is we won’t know until two weeks from now and then we can’t even breath easy until that 12 week mark. I must also comment on the fact that my cervix did bleed a little, a tiny tiny bit and I did have discomfort the rest of the day when sitting. A little Tylenol and it was much better. Please keep us in your thoughts a prayers and I’ll keep you updated as we go through the next two weeks! Hopefully we get some good news soon!!! ❤

CD10……getting anxious!

I made it through the Femara pills with minimal side effects, so far I like these drugs better than the Clomid, by a long shot. I’ve had killer hot flashes, and a lot of them but the only other side effects I’ve really noticed is excessive fatigue and some mild headaches. Today I woke with some cramping but I’ve read that some mild cramping is normal before ovulation due to the over stimulation of the ovaries. Makes sense to me, plus I feel like I can’t really complain about mild cramping if that is what it takes to get a baby!

I’m feeling super anxious, few more days of testing and I should get that positive OPK!!!! I’ve been testing since Sunday morning. Still nothing but I usually get a positive on CD 13/14. It would be so amazing to get pregnant with the first round of IUI. Mostly because of the timing. We would be roughly three months along in January, which is close to my hubby’s birthday! And as all you ttcers know, that dreaded three months is the safe zone! So if we could announce our success with his birthday it would be so wonderful. Then the second beautiful thing about the timing is our little bundle would be due in July which would be right about our Anniversary time! How wonderful in deed! I’m trying super hard not to get my hopes up too high but I feel as though I’ve already crossed that threshold with excitement and nerves.

I will continue to keep you all posted! Fingers crossed and good vibes our way as we come up to our first IUI in a few days! ❤

Struggling but breathing.

Alone and helpless is how I feel tonight. Unfortunately there is nothing I can do about it. The feelings that get mixed up in a marriage when you suffer through infertility is sometimes the hardest things to deal with. Being honest with your spouse and yourself, that’s the hardest thing for me. Mostly being honest with myself. I struggle on a daily basis on if I’m really okay this week, I struggle with the signs my body gives me and I struggle with being hopeful for the future. However, the last two weeks have taken an extreme toll on me, which in turn affects my marriage. I’ve been lying to myself and trying to pretend like I don’t care. That it doesn’t bother me every single day that so far I have been unable to make us into a family. I have been pretending that it’s okay that we’ve been trying for over two years and I’m not terrified of starting IUI because what’s next? NOTHING! If the IUI doesn’t work than there is a huge possibility that we will NEVER have our own baby…that’s not saying that if we adopt that I wouldn’t love that baby as my own but there is a difference. I want to experience pregnancy, for real. I want to feel my baby kick inside of me and I want to feel like I’m glowing even if it comes with the worst symptoms because anything would be better than the pain that I feel in my heart. The emptiness and longing for the growth of my family. I know this is a sad post but I just needed to vent. To let it out and put my heart on my sleeve. I know all of you have been in my shoes in one way or another. The feelings that we all feel about pregnancy loss or it just never happening. It’s hard and it takes a toll on you and your life and no matter how hard I try to pretend, Aunt Flow will continually be a constant reminder of how my body failed me and my husband yet again this month. How this week we will try and hope for a baby during ovulation in the next few days and then hope and wait for a sign of her being late so that I would actually have a reason to take a test. But it’s late…thanks for reading and/or listening. ❤